...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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