How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
