I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
