Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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