Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
