Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
