I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
