Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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