Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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