margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
