we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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