Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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