walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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