I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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