So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
