There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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