Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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