Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
