im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
