bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
