period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
