he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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