The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
