I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
