Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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