Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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