I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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