i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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