I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
