One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
