I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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