Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
