Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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