..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
