Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sober January is a disaster.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Congratulations! We have a period
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
