Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
