Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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