I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no, he came in my armpit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
