I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
