every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
