She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
