mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just want nice things and good sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
