Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
