I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They took my balls.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
