if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
These tits shall not be calmed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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