So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
