the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
