Apparently you make a good broom.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
