Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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