No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
