hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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