oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
