Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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