WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
