I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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