Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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