so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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