Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
